Bittersweet.

I am bringing myself to write this post on purpose.  Writing this blog makes me happy, because I always get the chance to share something that is so exciting to me.  I come here to talk about my first short term missions trip, which begins in just 17 short days!

I need to be on my purpose, because I am slightly depressed right now.  See, tomorrow is the third anniversary of my father's death.  It was unexpected, and quite a traumatic experience for me, as, I'm sure, it is for anyone losing a parent.  In his last year, I'd become his legal guardian, and helped his move from the hospital, into a rehabilitation home, into his own apartment.  He'd worked hard to mend his strained relationship with my younger brother, and was successful.  He spent lots of time with all of his grandchildren, which made him happy.

I just spoke to my best friend, who told me that I don't have to let tomorrow be such a sad day...I decide that.  And I am deciding to make it a good day.  For me, it may be quiet, but it WILL be good!  After all, I will be strong and take heart, because my hope comes from the Lord! (Psalm 31:24)

My father would be so proud to know that I am going on a missions trip.  I think I got my travel streak from him.  He would hop in his car and just drive anywhere he had the gas money to go.  He talked about driving to California and back by himself.  We drove to Florida and then Texas for vacation when I was 11.  With the exception of the plan ride, he would be so excited that I a going so far...and then to do it to serve God!  I am sure he'd be beside himself with excitement, and extremely proud of me.

Last night, we had the MO5 Family Night, which was a really cool event.   2 of my 3 children joined me for dinner and fellowship.  As a group, we learned a memory verse, and then we got to 'meet' all of the teams.   Each team stood before the group, talking about how they've been preparing and what they'll be doing on their trip.  When it came time for Team Red to report, we were ready!  We finally had all 8 team members there, and were the only team fully represented.  I was able to speak Czech (though it was simple Czech, I felt VERY confident in sharing before such a large group!), and felt genuinely bonded with y team.  We are still the smallest team going, but I think we are exactly the size that God intended to send to Prague.  We are certainly hoping to go and be a blessing to the Mudrik family.

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Listen to "Oh Lord You Know" here

On a completely different note...I just took a 20 minute break from writing this blog to go and pick up my oldest son from his evening class.  On the way, I turned on my iPod...before I moved to Northeast Maryland, I went to an amazing church, the DC Regional Christian Church, where I also served on the Worship ministry.   The Worship Arts Minister, Carlos Scott, is an amazing songwriter and evangelist.  I had the honor of serving on a small ensemble singing team with him.  When he was going through a rough time in his life financially, he decided to use the talent and gift that God gave him, and recorded a CD.  He gave me the privilege of being one of his supporting singers on this project.  I mention this because I just got in the car, and one of his songs was playing, a song simply called "Oh Lord, You Know".  And I had to think..."yeah, He does know".  It wasn't even the final version from the CD...just one of our practice, scratch sessions.  I heard Carlos singing the verses, and myself and a couple of other sisters singing the background, and felt just a peace come over me.  The lyrics are very simple, but so powerful:

"Oh Lord you know my doubts, my pains and fears
And Lord you know the number of my years
Lord you know my flesh is fighting me
Thank you Lord!  Hold me close to you"

So while it is bittersweet that my biological father isn't here with me any longer, I know that I have my Heavenly Father working in my favor.  He knows how depression hurts me, and has no desire to see me go through that.  I have already decided to make the best of tomorrow, and its like He just reaffirmed that Yes, I'd made the best decision.  My flesh may be fighting me, but my mind and heart will remain steady in Him!

Thanks Carlos, for being the vessel through which that word came to me this evening.

Thank you best friend, for the reminder that the decisions I make determine the life I live.

Thanks Daddy, for instilling into me a world wandering spirit.

Thank you Lord, for the opportunities to make my decisions, to love God, love people and serve the world.



17 days until I embark on the next leg of that journey....



~yonna